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No news flash here, but porn is devastating. Despite what mainstream society would try to lead you to believe, the research has been in for quite some time on this. Porn decimates authentic intimacy, leaving in its wake atrocious collateral damage. A husband and wife have way more sexual freedom than many people believe, and they can embrace such freedom while still keeping sex holy. Sex is meant to be holy and passionate; intimate and erotic; sacred and tantalizing. What makes something healthy sexual creativity in marriage rather than pornographic?
Exclusivity is foundational to healthy sexual intimacy in marriage. God deed sex to be exclusive between a husband and wife, meaning no third parties are participating in their sexual connection in any way no one else physically having sex with you, no one watching you have sex, no use of pornography, no fantasies about people other than your spouse.
Pornography is all about images and videos that celebrate sexual promiscuity; a sexual free-for-all where there are no boundaries, no discretion and no authenticity. Nearly all of it is made with multiple people participating in some capacity, from the actual actors to the photographers and videographers to the business managers. As a husband and wife, sex is a private encounter between only the two of you, not meant to be shared with others. In that exclusivity, you can enjoy sexual passion that is deeply arousing and creative.
Context means everything. The loving and respectful context of a covenant becomes a sexual playground where God invites a husband and wife to genuinely play and bond. A husband and wife who love and respect each other would never force a sex act, berate or belittle each other, or use manipulation to heighten their own sexual pleasure.
Pornography, on the other hand, has nothing to do with love and sometimes even less to do with mutuality. Sex in the wrong context with the wrong motives are the calling cards of pornography. A husband and wife who value their sexual arousal and connection not surprisingly place a high value on their relationship.
It takes safe vulnerability to try new sexual positions and techniques. Safe vulnerability gives a husband and wife the room to genuinely listen, find sexual boundaries that work for both of them, and lean into godly passionate arousal and orgasmic pleasure. Safe vulnerability inspires a married couple to grow in their sexual confidence and to not be afraid to expand their sexual repertoire when they make love.
With safe vulnerability, they can explore touches and techniques — giving and receiving sexual pleasure with enthusiastic abandon. The entire industry is rampant with diminished self worth, profits no matter the cost, and malicious exposure. There are some sexual acts that appear in pornography that lose their pornographic nature when a married couple experiences them within the healthy sexual boundaries of their covenant. He envisioned covenant marriage where a man leaves his mother and father and cleaves to his wife. God in all his generosity did not limit our arousal zones to only our genitals.
Think of what types of touches and sexual connection with your spouse turns you on? Think of the potential you have as a husband and wife to arouse each other with your mouth, hands, lips, hair and entire bodies, including the creativity of your mind! Just wow. So if the two of you are hungering to try something new sexually, simply ask yourself these questions: Are we being exclusive? Are we honoring God and His word? Are love, respect and safe vulnerability foundational to our relationship?
Yes, you can have hotter sex without it being pornographic. Hot passionate sex in marriage is a win for intimacy! It shows that authentic sexual intimacy outshines any cheap counterfeit version porn would serve up. For more reading, cruise through my list of past posts. Never want to miss one of my posts? Subscribe via on this . And be sure to my more than 10, followers on my Facebook and 11, followers on Twitter. Unlock videos and conversation starters she shares exclusively on. So my wife and I occasionally access pornography together.
She may be a bit unusual in that she enjoys pornography now and then, even really hardcore porn. For example, she likes to be dominated. Alex… thanks for commenting. Many times when someone comments they have an opinion different than me. I am firmly in the camp that viewing porn invites third parties into something that is meant to be exclusive between a husband and wife. I recognize, though, that not everyone will agree with me on that. Thanks again for stopping by! I have never thought to look on the web for topics about christians struggling with making love or sex Maybe most couples dont but I have heard over years that non inhibited sex with your christian partner is taboo.
How wrong i was. Now its up tous to understand anything is o. What in the World?! Julie, I agree with Songs that this is a very important article. Also, that it may be the best and most complete one of yours that I have read. I really loved it.
I have had many questions about a limited use of porn or light erotica in movies as an aid in arousal and lovemaking. Really, for me at least, unnecessary. 1, exclusivity, it is the main issue as I see it. I have to focus my desires on my wife, and her me, or it can be sin I think it IS sin, but realize this may be true for me only.
There is much more I would like to say, but already lengthy enough. Great job. I love your heart for this and your mission. That being said, I struggle now in my marriage because porn was a part of my life before I was married and that was what was a turn on for me.
A lot of the sexual acts I know about are because of porn. Does that make sense? Julie, thank you for keeping banging the drum: Sex in Christian marriage can and was always intended to be exciting, thrilling and better than any other sex. I myself want my own spouse to feel like the star in our bed even suggesting that she is the sexiest, hottest and sweetest woman in the planet.
Sweet is sexy. Save my name, , and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Remember me Log in. Lost your password? Pin Share I am going to go a hard no on this. Here are three gauges you may find helpful… 1. Exclusivity Exclusivity is foundational to healthy sexual intimacy in marriage.
Pornography by its very nature is the opposite of exclusivity. Safe vulnerability A husband and wife who value their sexual arousal and connection not surprisingly place a high value on their relationship. Considering the above three barometers, do you better see how you can have hotter sex without it being pornographic? God gave you a sexual playground. Go ahead and play. Copyright , Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized. Want more from Julie?
No related posts. What Turns You On Sexually? May 22, at pm. May 24, at am. May 24, at pm. Julie Sibert says: Alex… thanks for commenting. Robert and bevenna G says: I have never thought to look on the web for topics about christians struggling with making love or sex Maybe most couples dont but I have heard over years that non inhibited sex with your christian partner is taboo.
May 26, at pm. A believer says: Julie, I agree with Songs that this is a very important article. June 1, at am. June 21, at pm. August 11, at am. David says: Porn does trivialize the act of intimacy. The sex might be real, but everything is still staged. August 13, at pm. Search for:.Wife want hot sex Page
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